There is a long pointed finger of shame shaking in my face right now. It is a bit late to tell you about these brussels sprouts we had over a month ago, seeing as only the piddly bare-boned leftover sprouts are (dare I say maybe) left in the markets, and you will have to wait until fall and winter (shudder) before you can make a proper batch of these little cuties up. You see things (some people like to refer to it as life) got in the way. They were terrible, horribly, nasty things, like the baby mishaps we had two weeks ago, or my site — and everything that has happened/been cooked/baked/enjoyed over last two years — suddenly went kaput and I had to stare fear and death both in the face when a representative told me he needed to “set my expectations” (read: all is lost; you should crawl under a rock and die) and then my tweets were suddenly hacked and I spammed everyone on this green earth (completely embarrassing and humiliating myself) with horrible, nastygrams on the same day I was struck with a 24-hour bug of high fevers and chills and migraines — folks, it’s been rough.

I had planned to eat these (err, more of them — they are too hard to resist when so simple to make) and top them off with these and attempt a semi-serious (but not really) revolt with this humble dish of brussels sprouts. But these “things” came up and I had to deal with them and face the tune of needing a wig (hair pulling is a real thing in this house) or just, well, give up and live a life of grudges and growls and scowls and bitter looks in the general direction of the kitchen, food, internet, blogs, and all things that need updates. Thankfully, these people, are still the most fantastic, wonderful, genius, kind, patient, hard working, understanding, people I have ever dealt with — even at 2:30 in the morning as I was in tears trying to explain through blubbering that…the….links…..they….don’t…..work. I was soon directed to the master genius highness majesty king of all problems with wordpress hosting and in a matter of minutes he turned my tears into cheerleader split jumps and pom-pom frazzled hands and I wanted to skip about my house as fast as I could go without, like, falling on my face, as I sang Jason’s praise on the top of my lungs (I refrained for those sleeping, though the thought of “act now, apologize later” did enter my mind.)

Apparently, and I say this with as much disdain and sarcasm as you can possibly imagine me having (ahem, they are my middle name — Meg Disdain Sarcasm Schwartz), “updates” are not like normal computer updates — the kind where you battle harmful viruses and have to Trojan horse protect yourself from evil things — no, these “updates” are for, well, nothing. Really. Because wordpress wants to have fun? Because wordpress wants to add one single new feature that has nothing to do with you but will erase your entire site if you do it? Because wordpress wants to “frustrate you to the point of baldness”? Because wordpress wants to ruin you? In my opinion, yes. But regardless, Jason fixed everything and we are now here, breathing heavy sighs of relief as we hug and pet our screen, promising to never let anything happen to it again.

Then finally was the twitter blow up, of which I must apologize if you got anything horrible from me — it wasn’t actually me, I promise. But we’ve come full circle now, and really to the best part: the brussels sprouts. At least, if you are a sprout lover this would be the best part. Me? Unfortunately I am not. I have only had one, lone, single sprout, the entire thing the size of a dime, that I ate and actually think my eyes rolled in the back of my head (in the amazing delicious way not the seizure death way). But as a mother I am still pretty anti-green things unless we’re talking salad or green beans or spinach smothered (cough, cough, drowning) in cheese. Needless to say, this has been the first time brussels sprouts have ever in our four years of marriage entered our house. And to tell the truth, they were for my husband, not even me. But, regardless, I must say they smelled amazing, and I might have poked around in them contemplating the best bite until my husband hoarded the entire pound to himself. I didn’t even get a chance to sneak a piece of brussels sprout laced bacon bit.

One Year Ago: Chevre and Mushroom Souffle

Two Years Ago: Smoked Salmon Deviled Eggs

Roasted Brussels Sprouts with Caramelized Onions and Bacon
Adapted from Katharine Marsh via Tasting Table’s Sous Chef Series 2011

Serves 4

Note: I can only imagine as with most things this would taste best with in-season brussels sprouts which is fall/winter for us here on the East Coast — but honestly, can anything be too terrible if mixed with some sweet caramelized onions and crispy bacon? I doubt it. This was probably one of the easiest side dishes (I can tend to get carried away with things that involve a lot of steps but are nonetheless divine) and thus proves cheese isn’t always the answer, or fussy steps.

2 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil, plus more for serving
1 medium white onion, chopped
Kosher salt
1 pound brussels sprouts, tough outer leaves removed and trimmed
4 ounces slab bacon, cut into 1/4-inch lardons
2 tablespoons chiffonade sage leaves
1 medium lemon
Flaky sea salt (such as Maldon, though Kosher would work as well)
Crushed red chile flakes

In a large cast iron skillet set over low heat, heat olive oil. Add onions and 1/2 teaspoon kosher salt and cook, stirring occasionally, until the onions are sweet and caramelized, about 30 minutes. Remove from heat, scoop onions into a bowl and set aside.

Place a large stock pot of water over medium heat. Bring water to boil and salt well. Add brussels sprouts and blanch until bright green and just tender, about 5 – 7 minutes. Remove brussels sprouts and set aside to drain and cool. Cut the larger brussels sprouts in half, but leave the smaller ones whole.

Wipe out skillet used for the onions and place back over medium heat. Add bacon and cook stirring occasionally, until crisp on all sides, about 5 minutes. Pour off the excess fat, leaving about 1 tablespoon. Add the halved brussels sprouts cut side down to the pan and cook without stirring until the sprouts are tender and nicely caramelized (note, it doesn’t take long before they’re burned, so use tongs to check the bottoms.) Add the remaining sprouts to the pan and cook until browned, about 5 minutes. Stir in the caramelized onions and sage. Finish the dish with a squeeze of lemon juice, sea salt, chile flakes, and a drizzle of oil, all to taste. Serve immediately.